Colorblind Ch. 02
It was a cold, dreary day outside, typical weather for early January. And it matched Jess's mood perfectly. She'd been with Tyrone for two weeks and three days, and she sensed it was all coming to an end. Her baggage was catching up. It was almost as if she could hear the little wheels squealing out in warning as the heavy suitcases closed in.
She didn't want what they shared to end, but its demise had been preordained from the start. Her heart surged with affection for this wonderful man... this wonderful man with the dark scars and black tattoos who had endured so much for seemingly so little. Jess would have rather died. Even now, as he held her in his arms, if death came knocking she'd go quite willingly. Yes, the baggage has arrived.
It was late afternoon and she could see that the sun was dipping low in the western sky, the warming rays weakening as daylight was starting to give way to night. The wind was whipping quite strongly, and she could hear discarded cans being rolled about with metallic clatter in the alley just below. And she could hear the steady, comforting rhythm of his heart.
They were naked, having made love after lunch and finding no good reason to dress, except for the chill that was beginning to creep back in as the sun's light receded. Tyrone was lying on the love seat with his shoulders resting squarely against one thickly padded arm, his legs stretching across the other. She was curled up in a fetal position on top, facing the open area, watching her reflection on the dark television screen across the room.
His left arm was draped over her left side and the fingers were lazily caressing her bald pubic mound, mesmerized by the silky feel of her skin. Jess felt safe here, in his arms, and she feared the cold loneliness that she knew was rapidly approaching once more.
"Is this what prison is like... laying on a bed and letting your mind just wander in no particular direction?" Jess asked.
"At times, yes," he acknowledged, "and during the lockdowns, especially. There were days when time seemed to stop altogether. It was easy to lose hope and give in to the darkness, but I fought my way through those times."
"Why?" she wondered. "Why not just give in? Give up?"
He went back to that place again, she noticed; that private hell. She saw it in his eyes. A part of her regretted sending him there, but a bigger, growing part of her was glad... in a sick and twisted way. It was the baggage. It was always the baggage. The hatred; the venom that sickened her very soul; the feeling of despair she could not escape which she was hoping death could alleviate. As if she could be so lucky.
"Because I didn't like the alternative," his voice finally broke the silence. "I don't like this part of you, Jess. Where is this coming from?"
She didn't answer immediately, because she didn't know how. Instead Jess's gaze shifted to her reflection on the blank television screen while wondering why she always developed this hate, this anger, just as things were starting to go well.
"This is who I am."
Tyrone wasn't buying it. "This isn't any part of who you've been these past few weeks."
"This is who I am," she repeated, wishing she could verbalize all that she was feeling. "I warned you when we met. I told you my relationships never last."
"That's because you never let them." It wasn't an accusation, but an observation. He was keenly perceptive and saw what others missed.
He was watching her staring at her reflection in the reflection, and could see himself as well. What was she seeing, he wondered? Did she see the beautiful woman that he did, or was everything skewed and ugly for her? And if it was, then why?
"What do you see, Jess?"
She felt nothing; her heart went cold. "I see nothing but heartache and misery."
"What happened that leaves you feeling this way?" he asked before lightly kissing the side of her face, a kiss which she shied away from.
"I never look back, only forward, that's my motto," she repeated, but this time the note of humor was gone and her voice sounded heartless and hollow. "I should go."
Tyrone's hold on her body tightened. "I won't let you leave, Jess. Not like this. I have an investment to protect."
Jess was appalled and turned to face him. "An investment? Is that what I am to you? A human stock portfolio? Or worse yet, a -"
"I love you," he interrupted, saying the words he wasn't sure he could ever say, not to her, not to anyone, yet at the same time knowing they described exactly how he felt for her.
"Love? What do you know about love? Love means giving a part of yourself, and by your own admission all you've ever done in life is to take." She spat the vile words out at him, turning and twisting what he'd shared with her before and wielding them like a weapon with harmful intention.
He seethed with anger but tried to hold himself in check for her sake, and for his. "What do you know about love? You try to hide in plain sight so as not to be seen, and when you do connect with someone and begin to feel something inside, you push them away like you're trying to do with me right now!"
The baggage was back; she could feel it rising in her throat like bile, constricting her chest until she could hardly breathe. This was the ugliness inside revealing itself, the same way all of her relationships became grudges and scattered wreckage to be abandoned and left behind. The tears were building and soon began rolling down her reddened cheeks.
The rage was intensifying so much that he wanted to crush her body in his arms, snapping her bones like so many toothpicks. He'd heard the stories from other inmates who described killing in the heat of the moment when they were blinded by fury. Tyrone could never understand that until this very moment, because he felt like doing the very same thing himself.
"Don't fool yourself, Jess! You're not looking forward; you're just looking from side to side, living life side to side, never going forward! You're like... you're like..." Tyrone shouted, struggling to find the words that could describe what he was thinking, growing frustrated when they didn't come until hearing a slight squeal.
"You're like my hamster, going around and around and around on that crazy wheel thinking he's getting somewhere, too stupid to realize he's still in the same damned spot he's been in all along! That's why the scenery never changes, Jess, because you've locked yourself, your heart, away in a cage so that nobody can reach you, and you're too blind to see that you've made yourself a prisoner.
"I was in a state penitentiary for eight years for armed robbery. But you've sentenced yourself to life in your own prison without the possibility of parole for no good reason at all. Please let me show you the way out!"
Silence followed, the seconds elapsing into minutes as the anger in their bodies subsided, and with it the heat of emotion. Jess shivered against his chest as the tears spilled onto his left chest, trailing down to where the scars were and tracing along them like raindrops down the gutter. His tight, binding hug relaxed into a looser one as he waited for what was to come next.
"Let me out from under you and I'll get us a blanket."
He carefully slid out from beneath her warm body. He shivered when his skin, warm where it had been in contact with hers, was suddenly exposed to the chilly air. Jess heard his footsteps as he walked to the nearby closet where he kept his jacket and the bedding. She sat up, drawing her knees to her chest for warmth, and wrapped her arms around her calves as she stared at the reflection staring back at her.
The tears had stopped and were beginning to dry up. When he approached the love seat her gaze lifted to him and she saw his dangling penis swaying from side to side like a metronome sitting on a piano. And then it hit her; it suddenly made sense, and she couldn't help but to break out in laughter.
Tyrone unfolded the blanket and sat down beside her, covering them both as her body shook from the hearty laughs erupting from inside. This surprised him, because it was hardly an appropriate time for such a thing. But it was better than the alternative.
"What's so funny, Jess?"
She stuck out her chest and broadened her shoulders while trying to emulate her father before speaking, "Look at those guys! Tying up traffic for no good reason at all. What a bunch of useless..."
When her voice tapered off he prompted, "Jess?"
Her body seized up with another round of laughter, preventing her from talking. The tears had returned, but were accompanied by a joyous grin as they rolled down her cheeks to be caught by the blanket. She placed her right hand over her heart while fanning her face and slowly regained her composure.
He kissed her lightly on the forehead, noting when she didn't pull away. "I meant what I said. I do love you, Jess. Are you okay?"
"All of these years and I never knew, not until I just saw you and then it hit me," she tried to explain.
"What hit you?"
"When I was younger and we were driving in the car somewhere, and my father was always the one to drive, he was always angry when we were delayed by road construction," she told him, patiently building up to the part he was asking about. "He'd whisper under his breath, 'What a bunch of useless swinging dicks', but we could all hear him quite clearly. I never knew what a 'swinging dick' was until just now."
He grinned warmly and kissed her cheek. "I'm glad I could help clear up that little mystery for you. Did your father ever have anything nice to say about people?"
Jess smirked and focused her gaze on a point across the room as she mentally searched her memories for an answer. "I don't think he did, not when it came to strangers at least. Do you really feel like I've closed myself off from the world?"
"I do, Jess. Don't you?"
Her head briefly shook. "No, I don't see it that way. I see people who don't like the choices I've made and they despise the person I've become. They shun me. I can see it in their eyes, like I'm a leper or something. They don't want me touching any part of their lives fearing I might tarnish it. What makes you so different?"
"You intentionally scare them away by the unappealing clothes you dress in and your prop cigarette," he pointed out, "but after all I've been through I don't scare so easy. I've been in darker places than being with you. Earlier you asked me when the going got tough in prison, why didn't I just give in or give up. I fought through those dark times because I wanted to know what it would feel like to love someone, and to feel their love returned. You've given that to me, and I will fight to keep it."
She shook her head in disbelief. "I don't love you."
"I beg to differ."
"What the hell does that mean anyway?" Jess asked. "My father used those same words and I never did understand them. You're just like him. Or do you want to 'beg to differ' with me again?"
A look of disgust and pained disbelief appeared on his face. "Where is this coming from? Why are you turning so ugly? Your father and I couldn't be any more different!"
Her eyes narrowed with hateful contempt. "How could you possibly know anything about my father?"
"Because he raised you to be just like him!" Tyrone barked back before grinning. "I think I'm starting to get you figured out, Jess."
Her gaze returned to the reflection as she snarled, "I'm not that shallow!"
"I know who you see, even if you won't admit it to yourself," he said in a calm, more buoyant tone. "You see him. Maybe not his face, but everything he represents; hate, contempt, anger. What a vile recipe he used when he made you!"
The anger returned to her face, disguising the chameleon-like beauty in a shroud of revulsion. "You bastard!"
"I've been accused of worse!"
"Fuck me! Fuck my cunt with your big, black cock!" she cried out in an unstable, emotional state as more tears streamed down her face. "Fuck my cunt, you bastard!"
Tyrone could no longer control his building fury, and he slapped her. He slapped her hard, knocking her out of the love seat. As she sank to the floor at his feet, crying uncontrollably, he was pulled back to the darkest of all places to face the ugly past that he never wanted to revisit.
...Tyrone had gone to the shower like any other day. But the lack of others sent his pulse soaring. The sound of two others joining him, from behind, sent up warning flags that were too late in their arrival.
"Lookie here, we got ourselves a nigger," the taller of two skinheads announced with obvious glee as he revealed a homemade shank. "Too bad he's all alone, without his 'brothers' to help him out."
The second skinhead also produced a weapon. "The world will be a brighter place with one less, that's for sure."
And they closed in. Tyrone never had a chance. He should've died on that day, bleeding red on the shower floor, his life wasting away. But destiny had other ideas. The homemade weapons slashed across his dark-brown skin, opening wounds as his strong hands and arms struggled to defend himself. A shank was dropped in the scuffle, and he wasted no time thrusting it into the intestines of an attacker.
They all survived that scuffle, further scarred, as much by the emotional damage as the physical. But with the attack followed a growing respect for the capable warrior Tyrone had proven himself to be. The attacks stopped...
"...assaulted him," Jess was saying as Tyrone's attention was returned to the present.
Tyrone sensed her guilt and pressed, "Who assaulted who?"
Jess was crying hard, her body vibrating at his feet. "The sheriff pulled us over and then a car pulled around to block us in. That was when three men in white robes got out carrying baseball bats. They roughed him up and told him if they ever saw him with me again, he'd be hanging from a tree. I knew my father had to have been involved in some way."
Tyrone was confused. "Jess?"
"I loved him, and they chased him away from me because of the color of his skin! So I said 'Fine, if he's going to do that to the men I love, then I won't love men at all'," she sputtered in a broken voice. "Fuck him! Fuck that bastard! I hope he rots in hell! I'll be everything he hates!"
"And in your hatred, you have become what you hold in contempt," he realized.
He pulled her off the floor and into his arms, his black loving arms, muscles flexing as he pulled her tight against him. Their lips found one another, tongues circling and entwining, savoring the erotic embrace.
"I want to love you," she whispered in a tired, desperate voice, weary of condemnation.. "I want to feel again. I want to stop this numbness, stop feeling the hate I've been programmed for."
He gently gripped the bottom of her chin and guided her eyes toward his. They fell into a deep gaze as Tyrone saw beyond the red-streaked orbs looking back and into her soul beyond.
"Then open the cage door and let me in, Jess, let me in and I can promise that you won't regret it."
He leaned forward and kissed her salty lips, thumbs simultaneously wiping the tears away as he cupped her cheeks in his palms. She exhaled hard, her warm breath rushing over his face. The kisses began soft and slow, lips lightly brushing against the other.
For Jess the act was now attached with emotion and she advanced forward as if in uncharted waters, wary and guarded as she began opening her heart for the first time in such a very long time. It was almost scary enough to make her want to close down, but she'd grown weary of the darkness in her life and was now willing to brave the approaching rapids.
Sensing the growing tension in her body, Tyrone's mouth backed away and his eyes returned to hers. "Jess, are you alright?"
After a brief hesitation she offered a weak half-smile and nodded, although her response lacked any degree of confidence. He could tell that she was nervous so he smiled back reassuringly and wrapped his arms around her shoulders, feeling the soft warmth of their bodies tightening together.
Tyrone whispered, "It's okay, we'll take it slow, we've got nothing but time."
Jess shifted until she was straddling his lap facing him, his limp shaft resting against her left thigh. Tilting her head to one side, her gaze lowered to Tyrone's lips with a hungry expression in her eyes. He closed the distance and they resumed kissing with renewed passion, tongues extending and entwining.
As they kissed his hands reached up and gently cupped her breasts, lightly squeezing on the supple mounds while pinching on the swelling nipples. Jess's hands moved to his torso, fingertips tracing along the scars like a blind person reading Braille. They told a story all their own, and she was slowly understanding the mysterious language it was written in, chapter by painful chapter.
They kissed and touched one another for a long while before the stirrings of sexual arousal began to surface. Tyrone sensed her excitement and lowered his right hand between her thighs to run the fingers back and forth along her outer folds. She tensed and softly moaned in response to the tender stimulation that fueled the smoldering fire in her loins.
Her hands dropped down, fingers wrapping around his sizeable length and stroked life back into it. His cock throbbed as it stiffened with renewed vigor. After pumping up and down on the rigid shaft for several minutes the fingers of her right hand rubbed over the rounded head, feeling the accumulating wetness of his leaking semen, confirming he was ready. Jess already knew she was as wetness had her feeling slick.
Rising up on her knees she inched forward until her pussy was hovering over his length. His hands gripped her slender waist, guiding her forward as he slid his hips outward to meet her. As if performing a well-practiced maneuver, Tyrone slowly pulled her down, feeling the tip of his cock pressing against the smooth, moist lips. Jess pivoted her pelvis back and forth, working him into the juicy slit.
A moment later she felt the smooth tip at the opening and she lowered, feeling the hardness spearing into her aroused center. When his hips thrust upward she let out a soft gasp as the pressure deepened. Their bodies rocked in unison as wetness bathed his rigid cock.
As their bodies merged on the physical level, the two lost souls connected on a much deeper, emotional one. Jess tried to let go of the darkness that scarred her heart during those shared, intimate moments, because she knew that if she didn't, she could never love again. And loving a man, this man, could lead her out of the darkness that imprisoned her very being.
She focused on the growing sensations of pleasure, of skin-on-skin contact, and on the fingers caressing her sensitized body so lovingly. Hushed moans and heavy breathing were the only sounds surrounding them. Once their bodies grew hot they pushed the blanket off, welcoming the chilly air in to cool them.
Jess moved up and down upon his lap, steadily working his hardness deeper into her sex. She'd been with very few men, and never one as large as Tyrone. The foreplay had her well prepared for his entry as the throbbing hardness gently stretched her juice-soaked pussy. When she'd taken his full length her body hesitated, enjoying the feeling of him filling her so completely on so many levels.
"I... I... I do love you," Jess weakly whispered in an urgent tone, fearful that if she didn't rush the words from her lips that she'd lose the courage to confess her true feelings.
She couldn't put her finger on what "love" was, but Jess knew that being with Tyrone was different than anything else she'd ever experienced before. The pleasure he gave her went beyond the orgasms and touched her in places she never realized existed. Once more she reveled in the joy of this amazing act and moved her body to maximize the tingling sensations that tightened her loins and hardened her nipples.
"Oh Jess, you're so beautiful," he whispered as he always did with her, doing all he could do to try and shatter the misconceptions she'd created for herself by the ugliness her father had taught her.
Jess heard his words and knew what he was doing, yet hearing them and knowing he cared enough to instill a sense of pride in her demonstrated his deep feelings. She couldn't help but be emotionally affected. Her heart swelled with love, or what she guessed must be love, as it slowly started to displace the dark evil that had shrouded it for so long.
Her pulse and breathing quickened as her excitement peaked. She could feel a tight ball of heat resting at her very center, at the back of her constricting sex that his stiff cock was thrusting in and out of. Wetness soaked her pussy and dripped from the folds onto his genitals and crotch.
Sensing her approaching climax, Tyrone hurried his pace and strengthened the driving force of his hips. They were both breathing hard from the exertion, and despite the chill in the air, perspiration beaded on their smooth skin and rolled down.
"Oh!" Jess cried out as his hardness rammed into her with great force. "Yeah, baby... oh yes... yes!"
She gasped as her body clenched hard, muscles twitching and her body bucking as it was gripped by an orgasm. The ball of heat in her loins suddenly erupted, radiating tingling tentacles of intense pleasure throughout her lower body. She savored the wondrous delight of sexual release as he held onto her wildly convulsing form, pumping his cock into her both hard and fast.
For several seconds she was elevated to that special place beyond life's problems, and it was there that she shed the baggage and her confined heart was finally able to break free from the shackles of learned hatred, allowing herself to live again, to feel again... to love again.
As the aftershocks of her climax continued erupting deep within her flesh, Tyrone achieved his release. With a slight gasping sound marking its arrival, his body twitched and flinched as his driving cock began ejaculating ribbons of cum into her womb. He rammed into her hard and at the end of each stroke he enjoyed another intense ejaculation, repeating the jerky movements as his straining body leaked with beads of perspiration.
Afterwards he returned to his reclined position across the loveseat and she curled up against his chest and abdomen, her gaze once more watching the reflection of her... of them. Jess knew the change would take time, but she was already beginning to see herself differently.
"You've been here for nearly a week," he reminded her in a soft, gentle tone. "Do we need to check on your apartment?"
"No," she answered confidently. "That's not who I am anymore. I want no part of that life."
"What about your things?" he wondered out loud.
"They're just things, I don't want them. They'll only remind me of the life I once lived, and I don't need any more reminders than I already have. Being with you is changing how I live, how I see things. I can't go back to any part of that."
His voice fell silent as the room continued growing darker. As the light diminished their eyes adjusted to the lack of illumination and they gazed at the shared reflection of their bodies. Once they cooled off Jess reached down and recovered the blanket, pulling it over them, leaving Tyrone's upper chest and extended legs uncovered.
He finally asked, "What about your job?"
"That's all a part of who I was. This is me, this is who I am now, I don't want any part of that life. Is it okay if I stay here with you and build a new life with you in it?"
Tyrone was surprised to hear the words she was speaking, and his facial expression made this known. Was this the same woman who only a short while earlier wanted to leave him? His shocked look softened into a welcoming smile; his full lips kissed hers as his hands cupped her smooth cheeks.
"That's all I want for, Jess... a life with you, the new you. Nothing matters more to me than being a part of it."